Kay Green

Loss and Bereavement

Losing someone close to you can be a devastating experience. Unfortunately it is an experience that is both unavoidable and inevitable at some part of everyone's life.

There is such a range of emotions that we go through regardless of whether it has been an anticipated death through ill health and maybe a relief is felt that the person is no longer in pain, or a sudden and totally unexpected death.

Death is no respecter of age and a child or young person's death is met with deep poignancy at not enjoying a full and great life. It is often difficult for a child who loses someone very close to them in the family hierarchy or even a play friend to understand and come to terms with their loss.

There are also so many questions needing answers that maybe never get a reply when someone decides that they do not want to be in their life any more. Suicide is a hard decision to make and even harder for those they leave behind.

And so is the loss of the yearned for young unborn life through a miscarriage difficult and frequently fraught with unanswered questions.

The child losing their companion pet feels a deep loss, regardless of what it is. The loss of any pet animal is upsetting for the most stoical of adults. With care and attention we look after our pets just as we do our children and then all too soon we lose them.

The grief of any loss that we feel is part of the mourning process. It is a way of coming to terms with the loss and also the letting go of the person we have lost. There are no time schedules laid out for this process. We are all so different in a unique way and will all react differently to each other and also depending upon the circumstances of the death.

At first you may feel a sense of shock, disbelief and numbness. This will gradually fade and over the next few months, but don't be surprised if there are any feelings of anger surfacing at being left. Or even if you are thinking of the things you should have said or done and were left unsaid and undone. It could even be a sense of guilt at the relief felt following the loss of a person through a protracted or distressing illness.

You may find it difficult to relax or concentrate on anything. Even finding sleeping disturbed with dreams of the person whom you have lost. It may surprise you to find yourself looking for the person while going about your daily routine. Maybe even thinking you have caught sight of them at the most unexpected time.

Depression, apathy and loss of identity are all part of the grieving cycle. They are all normal reactions and only time is the healer. It is also very important to give yourself permission and allow time and space for this healing to take place, no matter how long it takes, one year, two years, three years even up to five years.

In taking care of yourself there are many things you can do. Talking to your Family of the many happy memories or others who share your grief. If you find it too difficult to talk then maybe counselling would help. Bereavement turns our world upside down and can be a most truly painful, upsetting experience.

What I can offer in counselling is someone to listen, to empathise and help you come to terms with the situation as it is. If you need help exploring issues that are troubling you, I give you the support and guidance you need to find the solutions that are right for you. If you would like more information, I would be happy to talk to you, so please telephone me.